Growing Pains

Wow! I suck at posting so far this year. Have not touched this thing in at least 6 weeks. Not really sure why, but part of it is probably due to my uncertainty as to what to do with this thing exactly. Last year, I tried a thrice a week post schedule with specific topics/ideas for each day. I actually enjoyed the structure of the writing, yet I don’t know if I should keep it up within that parameter. I could revert to a more personal journal or blog style, but the random posting of whenever I feel like it does not really appeal to me at the moment. Plus, I will probably not post much if I do. So, not sure what I will do, but I think I’ll figure something out soon.

That’s kind of what this year has been so far even though it’s only been two months. I had made a few moves to get the hell out of dodge, so to speak. So far, I have only received rejection. It sucks, obviously, but it has not been as bad or devastating as I thought it would have been. Perhaps even just a few years ago, I would have been broken for a bit and stewed in my bitterness for awhile. Now, I read the rejections, made a mental not of their “suckage”, and went to perform my job minutes later. (Should be noted that I did kick some ass at work that day)

I guess that’s called ‘growth’ or something. Honestly, it was simply that I still need to leave my current circumstances and those avenues were closed off. I did what I could and it was not enough for those opportunities. That’s fine. All that really means is that I have to rely on other avenues that I am working on. Maybe that’s what I had trouble understanding before: that sometimes, no matter your efforts, things won’t workout simply because they won’t. At that point, I can wallow or move on and do something else. Before, I would do the former, but now I concentrate more on the latter. We’ll see if that makes a difference. If not, I’ll try something else. Not much else to do.

Time to get to work.

On Stagnation and Progress (Or Lack Thereof)

Feel like I am in another rut recently with no clue how to get out of it or make any form of progress toward some sort of foreseeable future. I am trying not to complain or fall into a pit of despair and/or depression, but it is not an easy thing. And frankly it is getting harder and harder. I’ve managed to not go full bat shit crazy with the writing and drawing serving as creative distractions and soul filling activities. The occasional trip to see old comrades and commiserate also helps immensely. Unfortunately, I know that will eventually not be enough.

Basically, I need a major change and have no clue how to make it happen. It seems so simple on paper, right? Want to change something? Just do it. But then reality sinks in and you realize that you have bills, loan payments, rent, and other crap that requires money, time, and resources. Essentially, the whole ‘being a responsible adult with actual life shit’ kind of gets in the way of pursuit of goals/dreams/etc.

Either way, I know I won’t last too much longer. Something needs to change, and soon.

Admittedly, this was pretty much just a weird rant. Anyone have any ideas as to how to get out of a life rut? (I’ll try practically anything at this point)

Página en blanco

My worst enemy,

my dearest friend:

The blank page

 

Endless possibility

lies within your borders

 

You paralyze my

hand with hesitation

 

Unsure if what I place

is worthy of darkening

your pure face.

 

I hope and pray

that perhaps someday

I’ll fall into your embrace

like some familiar place

 

Until that time

all I can do

is put pen 

to paper and

push on through