On Legacy

Why do we fear death? Or is it something else we truly fear: being forgotten and left behind? To be honest, I am okay with death. Hell, it’s inevitable. We all die, so why fear that certainty. No, my fear, and I suspect many others’, is being a blip in the grand play of humanity. Not even a footnote, just nothing.

For most people, their family and children will be the way their name continues in some form. For others, it will be their business ties or something else involving their work. That is fine. It’s expected.

But I guess I am just a little bit selfish. I want more than that. I want my name to last past my life, past my children’s lives, past several generations. I want to still be remembered long after my progeny is dead.

I just have to figure out how to do it. And if it is worth the effort. I hope so because gods know that I will sacrifice a lot to get there.


On Mortality

Two things happened this past week that made me consider the rather morbid topics of death and mortality. First, Monty Oum sadly passed away. I never had the pleasure of meeting the man, but I admired his work and was immensely entertained by his creative efforts. The most recent was his work on RoosterTeeth, specifically his RWBY series. However, his talent, drive, and work ethic were apparent from even his earliest works like Haloid.

It is sad and tragic when a life is ended before it should, especially so young. I know the worth of a person should not be measured as life is precious in and of itself, but I genuinely believe that a life is more fulfilled and greater the more impact and connections it had. Thus, if a life is considered worthy depending on the number of people it impacted and affected then Monty will leave a vast void in this world. Considering the responses and post on social media and within the RoosterTeeth community, I know he will be sorely missed.

The second thing was I went to a doctor for the first time in several years. Nothing serious. Simply a check up since I now have insurance (one of the few benefits I appreciate from my job) and can actually afford to visit a medical professional without going bankrupt. Anyhow I had all the routine test and then went for blood work afterwards. Again, not sure what the tests will be, but so far the doctor has not told me anything I was not aware of. Mainly she focused on my weight which admittedly I could stand to lose a few pounds but funny enough there was no indication of poor health during her initial tests other than I am overweight. Weird how that may be.

Wish this had been my doctor's office!

Wish this had been my doctor’s office!

Still hearing a medical professional tell me the vast health problems I should or will have kind of tends to scare a person a bit (even so had perfect blood pressure). As she continued to drab on, I began to think of dying. Seriously, I think I might have a symptomatic thing where when people start talking about physical illness or disease I begin to feel uneasy and hyper aware of my own body. Same thing happens when people talk about blood. I can look at blood all day with no reaction, but the discussion of it makes me uneasy for some weird reason.

Anyhow, I began to think about death and mortality because eventually we are all going to die. It is the natural order of things currently even though most wish to avoid it. Honestly, I truly believe that life is only worth a damn because it will eventually end. There is no reset button, that I am aware of, so we kind of have to make the most of our short time here. We will all disappear someday. Though that is no longer fully true either.

We all have a small bit of immortality. No, really. It might not be on the scale of the great artists we may admire, but technically speaking if you use social media, your thoughts, words, ideas, feelings, etc. will live on. Most of us will leave a digital footprint that can make a sort of quilt or composite of who we were that will continue on assuming the Internet continues to be a thing in the world. This is both a terrifying and heartening thought, to me at least. It’s kind of hopeful that we will live on in some way.

Although I am not completely sure if I want others, particularly family, knowing all my internet history…yeah beginning to see some issue with this. So what do you think? How do you deal with the idea of mortality and death and possibly immortality?

A Time Before…

There was a time before the words

Took up house inside of me

Before when food and drink

Satisfied my hunger and thirst


Ever since the words crept in

Only more and more words

Can quench my desire


I devour entire worlds

Through the black blood

Of their gods and creators


Each one gives something,

Enlightens my mind,

Strengthens my spirit


Makes me better


I will never claim them all


At best I can make my own tome

And hope that some soul

Will drink and eat of it