Maybe You Can’t Go Back Home

For the last few months, I have been back home trying to figure things out post graduation and trying to find some form of stable employment (had two interviews within the last week so hopefully will get good news soon). Considering my current circumstances, I realized that I will probably be in my home area for awhile and, to be perfectly honest, was coming to peace with that knowledge. After all, I am still young enough that nothing in my life is too far set in stone and I do have some plans as to what and where I want to be so being here for some time won’t be the worst possible outcome. At least, that is what I thought until tonight.

See my father is a pastor and when I am back home out of a sense of duty, and to avoid confrontation and conversation that will prove pointless, I attend the services at his church, This really isn’t that big an issue since I regularly attend services on my own. The only major difference is that I would go to different churches from different Christian denominations and on occasion also participate in non-Christian religious practices. Basically I have a belief system and worldview, but not a definitive answer for everything. Hence, I search for them in various places. Anyhow, the previous sermon at my father’s church (interestingly not delivered, but apparently approved, by him) proved to me that my previous thoughts on being able to stay where I am are very wrong.

Essentially, the sermon’s message boiled down to the worsening of modern society as evidenced by the available popular culture consumed through television and films, amazingly the internet was not mentioned. The examples used by the man who spoke were frankly a bit comical if they weren’t being said, and accepted, with such sincerity. First, he stated how there was a recently aired special about a magician who does impossible things on television (just to be clear no names were ever mentioned for some reason, but it was rather apparent whom he was referring to) and most likely has some connection to the occult and demons and spirits ¬†because that is the only way a mere mortal could perform his actions. Forget the fact that most of David Blaine’s (like I said; easy to figure out) “actions” are just extreme survival/endurance techniques with documented explanations, but it seriously frightens me that the conclusion that people immediately reached was the occult to explain his card tricks. Next, the orator mentioned a famous lesbian who achieved popularity and renown enough to host her own daytime talk show where she wields mass influence (Ellen, obviously). Oh no, the gays are ruining society by doing something…so they should be stopped for some reason.

What most pains me is that this is the beliefs that my family holds. I love them unconditionally, but disagree with pretty much everything they hold as formative core values. I do not know how to really compromise/combine their world view with my own. I suppose that is why I keep them separate for now, but I know I won’t always be able to. It is an unnerving realization that you feel more like yourself and at home the further away you are from your home. That is how I know I will never be able to stay in my hometown or even my home area if I ever really want to be happy and fulfilled. Yet, I also know that I want my family to be a part of my life and I want to be in theirs. If someone knows of a solution to this problem, please write a book, or at least a blog, since I am sure it will be read by millions.